- Your living room sofa spends more time on stage than you do.
- You have your own secret family recipe for stage blood.
- You’ve ever appeared on stage wearing your own clothes.
- You’ve ever driven around the back of stores looking for discards that can be used for set pieces.
- You can find a prop in the prop room that hasnt seen the light of day in ten years, but you dont know where your own vacuum cleaner is.
- You have a Frequent Shopper Card at the Salvation Army.
- Rogers and Hammerstein is synonymous with 3 months of rehearsals.
- You start buying your work clothes at Goodwill so you can buy your costumes at the mall.
- You’ve ever taken time off your job to work on the show.
- You’ve worked your vacation time to coincide with tech week.
- You’ve ever cleaned a tuxedo with a magic marker.
- Your family is more than 50% of the staff.
- You’ve ever appeared on stage in an outfit held together with hot glue.
- You’ve ever appeared in a show where tech week is devoted to getting the running time under four and a half hours.
- You’ve ever appeared on stage in an English drawing room murder mystery where half the cast spoke with southern accents.
- You think Neil Simon is a misunderstood genius.
- You’ve ever appeared in a show where the cast out-numbered the audience 2 to 1 .
- You’ve ever gotten a part because you were the only one who showed up for auditions.
- You’ve ever gotten a part because you were the only male who showed up for auditions.
- The audience recognizes you the minute you walk on stage because they saw you taking out the trash before the show.
- You’ve ever threatened anyone with a gun held together with electrical tape.
- You’ve ever had to haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing an evening gown and heels.
- You’ve ever had to haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing an evening gown and heels and you’re a guy.
- You’ve ever played the father of someone your father’s age.
- Your kids know your rehearsal schedule better than you do.
- Your kids know your lines better than you do.
- Your kids deliver your lines better than you do.
- You get home from rehearsal and have to go back to the theatre because you forgot your kids.
- You’ve ever appeared in a show where an actor leaned out through a window without opening it first.
- You actually know the difference between Good Shakespeare and BAD Shakespeare, and have tried to explain the difference.
- You’ve ever had to play a drunk scene opposite someone who was really drunk.
- The lead vocalist complains that the music keeps changing tempos, but the fact is the music is on a tape/cd.
- You’ve ever appeared on stage with people you’re related to.
- You’ve ever heard the head of the set construction crew say, “Just paint it black no one will ever see it.”
- You’ve appeared in a show featuring a flushing toilet sound effect.
- The set designer has ever told you not to walk on the left half of the stage because the floor is still wet five minutes before curtain.
- You’ve ever been told that the reason your director has no eyebrows is because he/she handled special effects for the last show.
- You’ve ever said, “Dont worry use the duct tape and if that doesnt work well just hot glue it.”
